The Let Them Theory: Why I Almost Missed the Point (And You Might Too)

I have a hot and cold relationship with Mel Robbins. I think her theories are accessible, her podcast is great, but honestly? After a while, her consistently high-energy tone gets to me. She’s so excited about everything, and I just get overstimulated.

So when I originally heard her “Let Them Theory” on her podcast, I thought I had it figured out. Easy concept, got it, moving on. When the book came out, I gave it a hard pass. Why read 300 pages when I already understood the theory? I am a busy lady… my TBR list is twice my size.

Then everyone started reading it. My colleagues were recommending it to patients, and my eyes were rolling back in my head so often due to the overhype. Until I was out with my friend who mentioned she was reading it and had it tattooed on her body.

Cue: major eye roll

Cue my know-it-all moment: “I know all about it, I listened to the podcast, I don’t need to read the book…”

Insert the good friend slap across the face: “Yes you do. You need to learn the concept properly and learn about the Let Me part. Get it read. In fact, listen to it while you’re driving. Sort your life out.”

She knows my personal struggles, my health challenges, the uphill battle of starting and running my business, my ongoing self-esteem issues, and the fight I’ve been having to find my true authentic self. So when a good friend gives you a telling off, you have to listen.

And boy, did it wake me up and sort my life out.

What I had missed was the “Let Me” part. The taking your own power back while you let them do whatever. What control can you actually have? Taking responsibility for your own actions.

When my friend explained the “Let Me” element it got me thinking about what I could do, what I want to do and something clicked. When I listened to the book, I thrived on that pause between “let them” and “let me”… that moment of contemplation where I ask myself: How do I want to handle this? How do I want to show up for myself? Which is massive on a personal journey to authenticity.

What I love about the book – though it’s some people’s main criticism – is that it’s repetitive. But our brains need that repetition. There’s actual research showing that repeating something twenty times in one day is way less effective than repeating it ten times over a week. So by the end of the book, I had the concept down! Mel covers different areas and scenarios and while they perhaps didn’t all relate to my life directly, it was about continuing to learn the theory through examples.

I also love the way she writes and like me, she’s down to earth, real, like she’s sitting beside you. It’s comforting. You feel less alone, you feel like someone is in your corner cheering you on. This is also my style when working with clients and how I like to be worked with. We don’t cheerlead enough.

One criticism is that due to its simplicity, it doesn’t adequately address complex situations around trauma or systemic challenges. But I argue against this. The “Let Me” part always allows people to take control over situations and in my opinion, that might help them get support, reach out, get help, decide they need to work through issues.

For example, someone with a chronic health condition might use ‘Let Them’ to accept that some family members will never understand their energy levels. ‘Let Me’ empowers them to set boundaries about social commitments, prioritise their treatment plan, or find people who actually get it, rather than exhausting themselves trying to convince others.

And while some people shouldn’t go through healing – physical or mental – alone, that’s where there are people to reach out to and get support to work through issues through professional help.

It has transformed how I’m showing up for my business. Everyone always reminds me what a fountain of knowledge I am, but I was too busy comparing myself and caring what others thought to share it. Now I’m letting them think whatever they want, and letting me share my authentic self and expertise. I’m stopping the comparison, stopping caring what others think, and letting me just be me.

How This Book Relates to Your Health

If you’re dealing with burnout or menopause, you’re likely feeling stretched, overcommitted, and drained by trying to keep everyone else happy. You’re people-pleasing while trying to run a life, work, look after yourself and your family, all while dealing with new symptoms, different sensations in your body, maybe looking different than before. It gets heavy.

And here’s the kicker, nowadays people have SO many opinions about how you should be dealing with your symptoms, your life. “Do this, try that, have you considered…” In a time that’s already hard and overwhelming, these well-meaning suggestions can feel like additional pressure.

This is where “Let Them/Let Me” becomes your health superpower.

Let them have their opinions about your health journey. Let me take responsibility for my own wellbeing through my 7 anchors of health.

Mindset: Let them make big changes. Let me show up and build small habits, even when I don’t feel like it. Let them talk about mindset like it’s magic. Let me build self-trust through action.

Stress: Let them wear stress like a badge of honour. Let me take five minutes to breathe and come back to myself. Let them ignore it, pretend it’s not there. Let me learn to recognise where stress lives — in my life, and in my body.

Movement: Let them go to Body Pump 6 times a week. Let me do 10 squats while I wait for the kettle to boil. Let them run marathons. Let me take my dog for a soul-soothing walk.

Sleep: Let them stay up to get one more thing done. Let me protect my bedtime like it’s sacred. Let them wear exhaustion like a badge. Let me honour my need to rest.

Nutrition: Let them do juice cleanses or fasts. Let me eat three nourishing meals a day. Let them cut carbs. Let me fuel my hormones with balanced plates.

Toxins Let them buy every supplement under the sun. Let me start by drinking more water and opening the windows. Let them chase “biohacks.” Let me learn what’s draining me both mentally and physically.

Community/Connection Let them go to every social event. Let me choose one heart-led connection that fills me up. Let them keep peace at all costs. Let me set boundaries and protect my energy.

Let them have their opinions. Let me ignore them and learn to listen to myself.

My Final Take

“The Let Them Theory” succeeds as an accessible introduction to concepts borrowed from Stoicism and cognitive behavioral therapy. The book works best as a reminder of timeless wisdom rather than a revolutionary new theory.

Yes, it could have been shorter. Yes, some of the examples feel repetitive. But sometimes we need that repetition to really let concepts sink in. Sometimes we need someone to sit beside us and remind us of what we already know but have forgotten to apply.

Most importantly, don’t make my mistakes! Don’t think you’ve got it all figured out. The “Let Me” part is where the real transformation happens. It’s where you stop being a victim of other people’s choices and start being the author of your own response.

The beauty isn’t in its complexity, it’s in its simplicity. Two words that can shift everything: Let them be who they are, and let me decide who I want to be in response. And that pause between those phrases? That’s where your power lives.